Three C's and a T

The three C's and a T that are currently tearing my skin, bruising my eyes, aching my backbone and causing my insomnia.UM is driving my life hell! There are too many prerequisites that are needed to be done in order for me to graduate. To make matters worse, the meticulous processes are driving me bonkers! There are colloquium, candidature defense, conference and yes thesis. Why am I doing Masters again? Someone, please enlighten me!

Check lists to graduate,

1. ISI paper - published
2. Perbentangan seminar in our respective department (colloquium) ~ technically I've done this but got to confirm back with the faculty, pronto!

3. Candidature defense - this will be end of May 2012 ~ progress 0%
4.  Conference - place secured! need to make the registration payment and poster. 10th July 2012. 3 days after my wedding to be exact. Ain't it wonderful?
5. Thesis.- 30% progress.



Hence, I could say that physics, still is all Greek to me. Cheers to the afflictive process of finishing my masters degree!

Note to self: I need to stop complaining. I can do this!! Easy peasy.

Almost there..

UBER EXCITED

A picture says it all. Alhamdulillah :)

Brother Pucker!

is what I would say when Im pissed starting from now on. Trying to refrain myself from saying those bad badddd words. Anyways, yes. I went to get my hair trimmed last Sunday with Toy boy. Actually, he was the one who wanted to get his hair cut but me the tag along wants some urut kepala so some really bad brother pucker incident happened.

Toy boy asked me where do I want to get my hair trimmed, I told him APT since its near our house and its an academy so they ACTUALLY LEARNED how to cut hair professionally. So when we entered, we chose the senior stylist (still cheap ~RM30 wash and blow and cut) but they made us wait for a torturous 40 minutes! - strike one.

After 40 minutes it was then my turn. As I was lala-ing with a magazine on my hand and texting on the other hand, I briefly explained how I want my hair to be cut. All I said was, make em layered but keep the length. So in goes the scissors; chop chop chop.

It took him FOREVER to cut my hair. I didnt observe coz I put my 100% trust on the self-proclaimed senior stylist. When i finally looked up, my vision slowly became blur due to the instant tears. I look like a fricken 80's rocker. Brother pucker! - strike 2.

So i did some damage control; asked him to just cut the friggin mullet (Yes mullet!). But somehow, the thickness of my hair got him all excited and he decided to cut em all off. ~ STRIKE 3!

So I am now Nabila with short hair. Again. (5 years ago i vow to never cut my hair short again. But this hapenned!) I blame you stupid APT. Now, I vow to never go to that place or its branch ever again! Not to even wash and blow my hair. Aihetchu so much. Sobs..

Look what happened..

and from another angle,

Okay I know it doesn't look as bad as I described my hair to be. But still, it is short people! So short. Sobs.. I want my long locks back.. :(

I cried the whole ride home. Toy boy tried his hardest to ease the sadness. Which he managed to do the day after. He is just that awesome!! :)

Karma

"All living beings have actions (Karma) as their own, their inheritance, their congenital cause, their kinsman, their refuge. It is Karma that differentiates beings into low and high states."

In other words, it is the result of our own past actions and our present doings. I really do not believe in karma. I do believe that the wrongdoings that we do catches up to you.

"Mischief has appeared on land and sea because of the meed that the hands of men have earned, that (God) may give them a taste of some of their deeds: in order that they may turn back (from Evil). (The Noble Quran, 30:41)"

Well, who am I to forgive or to punish people. I myself ain't a saint. But I do repent. InsyaAllah I will always remember that He knows best. Whatever happened to me in the past as well as present is a test from Him.

Human makes mistakes all the time. As much as we tried, there will always be something that we do intentionally or unintentionally. I just wish some people could see this. Forgiveness was asked, insults were returned instead.. So I have no choice but to let go. I would be lying if I said deep down inside I do not want us to work out again. Because I know you still care. For what its worth, I wish you well.

Punishment and forgiveness is left for the justice who is all knowing all wise.

Confuse

Poured my hearts out.

Revealed my innermost feelings.

Showed my emotions.

Shared everything.

U?

Endurance

11.01.11 was the date I registered for my MSc, 13.06.11 was the date I submitted my research paper. Alhamdullillah it was definitely the short term goal that I have been wanting to accomplish tho it took me a long-stressful-teary-swearing-panda-eyed 6 months!

All this while I can never see myself going this far. Yes I have always known to be coward and weak. Fear is my middle name yada yada. Without the help and encouragements from my loved ones, I can never see myself standing where I am today. If I remembered correctly, this time last year I was really this clueless, lost, confused girl struggling to find the right path for my future. Life is full of choices who would know?! (duh!)

I was always the kind of girl who ALWAYS know what I want. I think I am a perfectionist and definitely not spontaneous kind of person. I am obsessed with planning and to-do lists are my BFF. Yes I am that scary but not a control freak. (hell yeah ask my toy boy!)

However, after my degree I was really facing a challenge on deciding whats next. There are so many options and money is always the reason. I still stick to my childhood passion tho; teach. Now I am utmost happy with the decision that I've made. I still have a long way to go tho; more research papers, candidature defense, more research papers, international conference, more research papers, thesis. (yeap exactly in that order thank you very much).

Well who am I kidding if I didn't say that my choice scared the hell out of me once in a while? For starters, now I am 23 (24 this December so doesn't count!) , still studying earning about RM1k per month. Now, working in some top notch company, earning rm3k a month, shop every month like mad, helping out parents, married (erk?), that could have been me. Pity pity..

Well, my decision do have perks if not I wouldn't even consider furthering my studies. For starters, I could come in and go home any time I want, medical certificate is not in my dictionary, I can put down everything and go jalan-jalan at OU anytime etc. Sounds awesome right mate? However, when the time comes, the bosses will ALWAYS breathe down my neck asking for results and papers. working hours has changed from dont-care-what-time-i-come-in to the whole day plus sleepover in the eerie lab. Wherever I go I will see my boss's face. I will jumped each time the phone rings scared that its him calling and asking for results. Again. I would weep silently whenever we had a discussion in his office til the wee hours of the night. Watching my boss dozed off in front of me while I continue tapping the keyboard happened every time. I have been through all these for the past 6 months. My seniors faced worse tho. .

But lets put all matters aside and just concentrate for now and now only, alhamdulillah even tho I faced alot of craps, endless working hours and empty purse, i earn a great deal of knowledge and I am doing something that I am very passionate about since forever! Sounds geeky haha. I will definitely enjoy the results from my hardships in another 3 years tops. InsyaAllah. Well, here's a sneak peak of my first ever baby. :D

From just a little bit of hard work and endurance, look where they get me. I believe that endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory. So Nabila, back to work.

P/s: I am fasting today. Got another 6 days to go. So tired.

Swamped!

Ishk..each time ada kerja malas nak buat..Konon macam nak update blog. but bile buka blog malas pulak...So masa dibuang begitu sahaja! Baik tido dari tadi.. tsk tsk.. turns out, I managed to further my studies! Whoop dee dooo!!! Not officially lagi tapi..Am stil waiting for that daymn letter from UM. If akak registrar kat Faculty Science tu baca ni *bajet blog faymes* please please please tolong la proseskan cpt2 surat tu yee.. Then tadi petang my lab mate, mentioned about the scholarship. Carik punya carik jumpala ini

So actually i wanna stressed out this part

Benci!!! Offer letter tak dapat2 till now.. Kalau missed this deadline, I hafta wait till the end of this year to apply again.. For time being tak dapat nak mengeshop..erghh... Tu la yang di fikirkan..Shop shop shop..Dah nama perempuan..:p Terngiang2 suara someone "akak duluuu...mane de shopping shopping ni..." sambil cekak pinggang..huuhu

So starting tomorrow, I ada satu misi; To annoy and bore akak fakulti with my same old questions "Akak, surat saya dah siap ke? Boleh tolong cepat sikit tak kak...Sebab saya nak apply scholarship ni.. Nanti saya miss deadline..Tolong la ey kak..." *sambil mata berkaca-kaca..Tactic sikit!

NTS: Procrastination is a thief of time. Am doing it now.. :p

Its Gonna Be Legendary!

Aisya Arianna: "Uncle look! Fish!!"

Aqil: "Aisya, in Malaysia we call 'ikan'"


haha funny how my cousin answered her.. They went back already. Its a pity how a month seem so short. Quite sad but..

News Flash!!

me, YES ME, am going to

NEW wait for it.... ZEALAND!

woot!

Nak jadi apa after habis degree nanti?

Ishk.. Kenapalah susah sgt nak decide pasal future ni? Dah final sem but i stil tak tau nak buat apa pas habis degree nanti. At the top of my head skarang ni is for sure to further my studies (sentiasa option number 1). Where? Dont care, really. Tapi kalau ikutkan kesenangan UM je la. Tapi senang ker? Dah nak habis ni la tetiba rasa inferior, tak confident langsung, rasa stupid pon ade gak. Banyak benda kena fikir if nak sambung blaja ni. Contoh paling vital la; the choice of my supervisor. Coz am gonna get stuck with that person for a minimum of 2 years. and maybe more! So, kenala cari yang best. If tak best pon yang ngam pon cukup bagus. HANDSOME? Say what? errr... kat department physics? errrrr.... moving on. Problem is tak semestinya professor tu nak supervise i. There was this one incident happened to me yang membuatkan i macam a bit kecewa. That incident have me doubting my credibility as being a good student. Oh well lets not go there. Then theres a matter of scholarship. Gotta apply for that as well coz yuran master of science aint that cheap. Lagi2 UM yang sentiasa cekik darah. Mentang2 la situated dekat tengah2 antara KL, PJ and Bangsar. (ceyh bajet marah tapi sebenarnya best je blaja kat um ni. nak lepak memana go saje. ;p)

What if tak dpt further my studies? Kerja? hurm.. mmg belum terbukak hati nak kerja. Like seriously. Memang la best; experience, meeting new people, gaji total, independent, shopping ikut sesuka hati, dapat blanja mama and abah (to siblings: enunciate, MAMA ABAH only ;p) tapi tapi tapi tapi... Thats not what i REALLY wanna do.. erm.. tah la. tula i cakap. Bila start fikir suma ni, end up with no solution pon. ha nanti esok i akan fikir benda yang sama with no solution gak. darn darn! Solution dalam otak i skarang: nak jumpa doraemon! Nak pinjam pintu suka hati so that dapat tengok future nabila jadi apa dah beso nanti. tsk tsk tsk...

NTS: nabila, cepat decide please?

p/s: Senang khawin. Calon? Please come forward. haha

LIKE FINALLY

Finally ada mood nak tulis blog balik. Cukup 2 bulan of moping around. Come on nabila! Enough yawping, enough weeping, stop making any irrelevant speculations that can just do you no good! Now, am starting to think clearly; every cloud has its silver lining. Experience teaches u to be a better person. I guess from my own experience, i learn a lot! a lot a lot! I'm just glad that i have my family and my friends around to support me.

New Chapter! Now im focussing on the last days of my degree year. Although ive been waiting for this moment to come, i cant help feeling sad tho. When i walk through the scary, creepy, spine-chilling hallway of Department of Physics, cant help having the sick sinking feeling that I'm gonna leave this place and worse, I'm sooooo getting older. I'd go green-eyed whenever i ran across our first-year-juniors.. so young, so innocent, so vulnerable.. was one of them dulu2. adeih..da tua arh.

Takpe2.. rite now im more concern about my future. I really2-oh-so-desperately-wanting to further my studies. Dont really care where, but i hope im given the chance! Amin.

All i have to give

The song that is currently in my head...*sigh*

weird..

I don't know what he does to you to make you cry,

but I'll be there to make you smile.

I don't have a fancy car,

to get to you I'd walk a thousand miles.

I don't care if he buys you nice things

Does his gifts come from the heart I don't know...

But if you were my girl...

I'd make it so that we'd never be apart.

But my love is all I have you give

Without you I don't think I can live

I wish I could give the world to you...but

Love is all I have to give

When you talk- does it seem like he's not

even listening to a word you say?

That's okay babe, just tell me your problems

I'll try my best to kiss them all away...

Does he leave when you need him most?

Does his friends get all your time?

Baby please. I'm on my knees

praying for the day that you'll be mine!

To you... Hey Girl, I don't want you to cry no more inside

All the money in the world could never add up to all the love

I have inside... I Love You

And I will give it to you

All I can give, all I can give

Without you I don't think I can live

I wish I could give the world to you... But

But love is all I have to give

But my love is all I have you give

Without you I don't think I can live

I wish I could give the world to you... But

Love is all I have to give..to you

keluarga asmara bersukan

Yup. badminton became our annual sports activity now. Aside from asmara cup and asmara jam..since abg joe and kakna went to new zealand, cant jam nemore. We have lost our drummer (abg joe) and dancer (aisya)..*sigh* pity..Neway, abang acad started this tradition..haha everything is on him and kakpi now - the transport (gps brochad wajib dipasang walaupun dah familiar dgn tempat), badminton court's rental and also aiiiirrrrr....super haus i tell you.. nevermind..budi dan jasa baik anda berdua akan kami kenang sampai bila2.. huhu

everybody's getting ready..i posed.

red team! woot!

warming up..haha people were watching us as if we're pros..padahal worse....hahaha

aidid the rival..

with kakpi the bystander for the night..

baru 2 set time nie..sweat like dont know what..

aksi abang. used to play badminton for St John Inst. before he went head over heels with hockey. now masih hebat tho outta shape. haha

kami telah dikeluarkan oleh coach because....we suck. ahahaha

tapi wish they were there with us..

i love my family!

Bella The Waitress

Month of july..the beginning of a new semester and the end of my waitressing days..hehe yup.. worked as a waitress for a month. super penat. erghh tapi mmg fun. heres a few snapshots that i managed to get while working.. takle curi tulang..hee

Bunga Serai Cafe situated at Caps Square KL. pakngah and makngah decorated this cafe themselves. brill!

shhhh hafta be a bit sneaky to capture the photos..hee

TADAA~~ the waitress's uniform. thought boleh pakai macam Rachel dalam friends..dang. a lot better than a simple t-shirt tho.

meet the people..

it was a great and fun opportunity to be working as a waitress. might do this again sometime.

my eye candy..

i miss these two lil tikes! aisya with her insightful and repetitive questions and adam with his screaming and his please-kiss-my-chubby-cheeks look!! heehe

trying to look all cute and cheeky coz i caught her playing with my magic colours..

messy hairdo didandan oleh yours truly..

thought her how to pucker up those lucious lips..

aunty sophie thought aisya to be vain like her.. berkebun sempat pose..

baby adam with his finger licking good..

how can u resist kissing him with that tembamness..

this is his please-kiss-my-chubby-cheeks look..

kakak sayang adik..

Whatever Happened?

Been so bz takde time nak update.. kay bout my thesis..? colloquium went smoothly..altho, prof Keshav asked me tons of questions which some are not even related to my work. darn it. but im not complaining..






ceyh nmpak macam pro (perasan), however, im busting my ass off trying to answer his question as good n as intelligent as possible.. u cant see it from here tapi berpeloh giler dalam bilik seminar yang super sejuk..yeah u can see it from his face (the one in far right), that he was having fun bullying me. bloody hell..best gile jadi professor..

These are pix of the "after party" threw by postgrads students of department of physics..not so much of a party tho..just stuffing our faces with oh-so-fabulous-foods...haha lame..

marlinda, del, me and nisa..

with prof kariem, my supervisor and safa (seboleh-boleh nak tunjuk present yg die menang from lucky draw).

this is how i got my rm10 worth it..yeahhh..

safa nak gossip pon cover la sikit..haha obvious giler..this pic was taken that morning..


the people who came so early that morning to come and support me..yati,safa,eve,wawa and fatin..thanx u guys..

not to mention lyn n del(sorry del, takde gmbar..hee) tanx so much.

tired.happy.relief..its over and done with..the madness and chaotic life of a final student.. malam tu terus cari timun letak kat mate..

Hopefully, all my hard work is paid off..insyaAllah..

Colloquium

im so fricken scared and nervous.. i did viva for almost 2 and a half years now.. so colloquium shud not be any diff.. but why oh why oh why!!!

kay these are the lists on why (i think!) im so nervous about this coming colloquium:

• it involves 5 lecturers. my panels will be Prof Keshav, Dr Burhanuddin and Dr Woon Kai Ling..the other two will be supervisors for my other 2 group members; Dr Zainol ( del's supervisor) and Dr Zul (su vei's.)
• probelems with the lecturers: -- Dr Keshav is an Indian (not malaysian indian!) so cant really understand what hes talking about coz of his odd dialect of English. (sorry prof no offense) tho he is very VERY generous when marking papers.(got an A on advanced quantum mechanics*wink*wink*). - Dr Burhanuddin --- dont really know him that well. took thermal physics with him.. and it was terrible! (me not him..hee) all i noe is that he loves talking and borakking. i remembered in Microprocessing, he babbles to the whole class (for how many hours im no t sure but i noe its pretty long) about why we should NOT chose physics..esp women..haha funny i guess.. coz if we were some bunch of school kids who dono wht to do with our lives yet then it will be appropriate to lecture us about that.. now its too late doc.. - Dr Woon Kai Ling--- problem with him is.. i dont know him..seriously..nobody does! all of a sudden he's a lecturer and is one of the panels.. so cant really make any predictions about this guy..dont even know his face..big mystery..if hes nice, good for me.. if hes not any less like Dr Rustam or Dr Harith, im a dead meat!
• my freaking power point presentation! scared coz its not done! and i have 7 days to go! darn darn darn!
• the Q&A session.. gosh.. when it think about this, this Q will pop out of my head: what if i cant answer? what if i got stage fright and freeze? what if i answered with bad english? and worse what if when i answered, they all LAUGH at me?? warggghhh mama...
• friends who come and watch.. they will be sitting behind. smirking..smiling..laughing!..sleeping?(oh guys please dont!)..

*sigh* just cant wait to get this over with........

Serabut!

omg omg omg...i was doing my thesis perfectly fine just now then all of a sudden i haf this panic attack! tibe2 terpikir final exam is on the 23rd April and my colloquium is on 14th april. and i haf only 1 week to revise all 5 subjects and i haf to submit my thesis on 24th april and..and.. and...tak sempattttt!! omg omg omg! serabut gile..now cam tak tau nak buat ape dulu..blaja dulu ke..thesis dulu ker.. tak sepasal tido ar jwbnye..

nenek and carpets

i slept late yesterday night.. trying to finish up my work but darn it.. as usual..kene last minit baru boleh siap..like illi said to me the other day.. she told me this story about some nenek who bought 2 carpets and wants to bring them home but were to heavy for her.. n the daughter of hers offered to fetch her but hafta wait a while for the car. so this nenek who is afraid of something...which im not sure but illi said she was afraid she might not get to bring the carpets home (i think because of custom or police..but the the nenek definitely did not steal the carpet) so she managed to carry both carpets home all by herself! (ceyh kene ade exclamation mark konon macam klimaks of the story..padahal takde la exciting mane pon..)

so the moral of this story is...... jeng jeng jeng... u haf to haf some tekanan in ur life in order to get something done! that is the way-of-life. so lets relate this to my story... this is a logical explanation why i always wait till wee hours to get my work done.. last minute studying (altho my frens always seemed to think that i always study early like 2 weeks b4 paper...2 week is last minute gang...for me..heee) ..last minute finishing my reports..last minute submitting my paper work..last minute last minute last minute! so technically..it aint my fault doing last minute work..its just the way-of-life.. =)

FYP

aww man.. my life is pretty shitty lately..got damn fricken loads of work to do n so little time.. pressure pressure pressure.. now im in my final year.. n yeah uve guessed it.. thesis.. warghh.. that part contributes alot in my oh-so-stressful life lately.. not to mention my finals are coming up..which means i have 5 TOUGH papers to study which i havent got time at all to revise n colLoquium is coming up and i havent finished my power point presentation slide not to mention my poject paper i havent submitted it yet because i still havent finished chapter 4 which i can totally finish writing it now but am just to fricken lazy to do it. huh! i dare ya to say it in one breath. owh i just want to get this over with!! now is already April.. one month to go.. u go girl! (yeah.. i really cant pull that off)